new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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