the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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