Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
