Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
