its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
