Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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