He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
