the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
