It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
