That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pants are for mortals
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize