She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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