I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My hand turned me down
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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