Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Farmville is her only friend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
