I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize