i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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