i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I could make wine with my vomit
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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