wanna go halves on a baby?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
