Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
