I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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