Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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