Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize