My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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