I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize