Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm at about main and main street
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
