...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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