just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
