Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
