One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she looked like the before picture.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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