she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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