Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My vagina just recognized that song.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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