He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
