I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
