im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
