Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
