Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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