Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just want to make out with him forever
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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