Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
