Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize