her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
