I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
