i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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