that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
