Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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