i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
