I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
