come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
