you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
