i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Fuck appropriateness.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize