so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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