I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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