i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
