i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
