fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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