After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
