i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm passing your future prison.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
