You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
