My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
