He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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