i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
