Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
