Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
