Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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