Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize