i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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