I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
