I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
