That's intense
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize