ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
