Define "chronic" masturbator.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
