woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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