Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
