I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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