no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
