just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
