Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.

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(512): View more from Texas

You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina

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(816): View more from Missouri

I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

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(416): View more from Toronto

sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

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(315): View more from New York

And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.

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(540): View more from Virginia

the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.

(1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.

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