i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
