The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
