have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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