I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize