Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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