You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
