I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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