and you said cock pushups were impossible
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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