I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
