remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
