I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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