I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
