I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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