My liver just broke up with me...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
