She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have feelings that need drinking.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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