Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
