You just made me feel so damn special
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
