did you get engaged???
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
